A Cautionary Tail
To whom it may concern
(this includes Common Field Mice, luchan-feòir, Apodemus sylvaticus, Field Voles, Short-tailed Voles, famhalain feòir, Microtus agrestris )
You have been given friendly warnings and advised that you are not allowed to live in the polytunnel during the winter. The Head Gardener has already relocated one of you to the garden wall but you have had the temerity to return. If we catch you in the tunnel again you will be forcibly evicted and thereafter you must face the consequences – the Longworth* traps will be set.
You have been warned
The Assistant Gardener
Did someone squeak?
“please there are micigating circumstances:
the nights are getting long and cold, we’ve had a hard summer pursued from fence to fence by owls and harriers and there are still things out there with beaks and talons. We would like to appeal to the Head Gardener.”
“Are you sure? You know what he did to the rats”
“Oh but we are small and cute and besides you let the Pygmy Shrews stay!”
“I’d not bargain on softening the heart of the Head Gardener he doesn’t do ‘small, furry and cute’! As for the Pygmy Shrews they are biological control operatives and they don’t eat my bulbs”
“That was last year and we were hungry”
“You should have thought about the consequences. I might forgive you a few crocus bulbs but digging up the other bulbs from the pots and then spitting them out was pure vandalism”
“No, you are not to be trusted and are banished to live in the garden wall. If you dare to eat my bulbs you will be canapes for the buzzards!”
“Grumpy old wifey! What do think the wee folk will say – not much chance of help after we ate their grain last winter!”
*Longworth Trap – small mammal trap, does not harm the animal but the unwary trapper can be bitten!